Inner Thoughts Written Down

Confusion and Creativity

Change is the only constant and yet, we tend to cling to familiarity. What is comfortable, differs from person to person. As a species, however, with the brilliant advancements we have made, unnecessary suffering is still a cause for concern. Exhaustion, burnout, confusion, addiction and disconnection rules the masses, as we struggle to make ends meet or get ahead. It seems our obsession with growth and “progress” has fractured our ability to be present and nourish ourselves, our communities and Earth herself. We’ve become more individuated, glued to our endless information streams via our phones and various technological devices. Common sense is not common any more, as the ground beneath us falls away.

I feel lost a lot of the times. I am 43 years old, single, childless and far away from where I grew up. I am lucky to have a few good friends and people I trust. I used to feel ambitious and like, I had a certain amount of drive, feeling as if I knew something about something. Now, I don’t. Ambition evaporated as the years went by, and my dreams got swept away with the tides after my fifth eviction within nine years (no fault…just landlords wanting their properties back to sell and/or turn into holiday rentals).

I’ve never been driven by money. I never fit into the corporate model. Too sensitive, perhaps. Guided by my heart and a desire to feel well. I’ve been teaching yoga and meditation for nearly twenty years and thus, been self-employed. I built an online business, created courses, published a book and created an apparel line. The last ten plus years have been turbulent, painful and exciting. Lots of healing, shadow work and over coming betrayals. There’s a part of me that doesn’t know how I survived. But, here we are, in a new home (again) and coming back to a sense of safety.

I struggle to think clearly some days, which is why I’ve decided to start writing here. Another platform…maybe this will be the one that saves me. I am getting back into a regular meditation practice and now that I am living close to the sea, I am committed to getting in the water daily (or at least walking down to the beach). Nature is the only thing that makes sense to me. “Worldly” things that are over complicated and lack empathy (aka human decency) do not interest me…they never have.

News, media and technology are interesting, in many ways, expansive, but also, addictive and troublingly disconnecting. Distancing us from Earth and one another. Fixated on over-stimulation and information acquisition, while simultaneously being empty and insecure.

What happened to us? What is happening? Does anybody know? I can hear the voice in my head echo through the chambers of an eternal cave.

TBC.